Unconditional Love, Do You Have It?

By Art Martin Ph.D

The word love is used in many ways which have no real intent or meaning which causes the word to be diminished it’s affect on us as a humans.  Rather than saying hello, closing a conversation or departing people will use hi love or I love you.  It has become almost a slang or common saying.  It has been misused in music and movies for over 80 years.

What is this quality of life that we all want, but very few have in their life?  Why is this so.?   Unconditional Love must given to us by our parents but most parents do not know what it is as it was not given to them.  There are seven qualities to unconditional love; acceptance, recognition, validation, acknowledgment, approval, respect and trust.  To operate from these qualities we have to act with kindness, caring and acceptance without judgment, control, acceptance without manipulation and authority.

If you talk to most people they think they have it.  Yet, very few people know what true unconditional love is nor can they provide it to themselves or anyone else.  The greatest power known to man is that of unconditional love.  As humans, we have searched endlessly for the experience of love through the outer senses. Great nations have come and gone under the guise of love for their people. Religions have flourished and perished while claiming the true path to love. We, the people of this planet, may have missed the simplicity of unconditional love. . .  So what is it we are missing?

Simply stated, unconditional love is an unlimited way of being. We are without any limit to our thoughts and feelings in life and can create any reality we choose to focus our attention upon that excites the very core of our being and lights our path with delight. Unconditional Love is a dynamic and powerful energy that lifts us through the most difficult times.  It is available at any moment by turning our attention to it and using its wonderful potential to free us from our limitations.  Why can’t we use it?  Why have we dropped to the depths of war and conflict?  Why are there so many dysfunctional families and children?  Why do people fail in their careers?  People get sick to get the seven qualities of love, yet they do not know this.  They blame it on outside sources yet we cause it all.  If we had the seven qualities of love we would never have any illness or disease.  It was proven out my family as we have not been sick for over forty years.

We have to go back to the root cause of why we lost our feeling and knowledge of what unconditional love is comprised of.  The conflict for us is we knew what unconditional love was when we were born, but our mother did not know what it was.  She had lost it when she was a child just as we did too.  Most people will claim they had a good loving childhood.  Is that a true statement?  Highly unlikely since we tend to block and bury our negative experiences in the denial files in our mind.  All we can remember is the positive experiences.  Many people can not even remember anything from childhood.  How honest are we going to be when we evaluate our childhood experiences?  Many people are so traumatized by their childhood experiences they do not want to go back and look at them.  They have blocked them out so well they do not exist.  Some people will contrive up an illusion which they want to be as their childhood and that becomes their story.  There are some people who are willing to be honest about what happened in childhood and are seeking help to remove the stigma of their childhood experiences.

We have to reclaim our personal power and take responsibility over our life before we can recover our lost self.  The quickest way is to reparent ourselves and grow up again.  We lost the qualities of unconditional love by the time we were four years old.  We expected our mother to provide an effective parenting model for us to learn from, yet she was not able to do this.  One would question this and assume it is an inherited quality.  Yes, it was inherited alright, but a distorted dysfunctional parenting program was handed down.  Unfortunately it does not work or we would not have so many dysfunctional children growing up without the qualities of unconditional love.  How can we stop this vicious circle from continuing from generation to generation?

It begins with ourselves, for without self-love, we cannot know what true love can be.  In loving ourselves, we allow the feeling to generate within us and then we can share it to everyone and everything around us!  That which we send out, returns to us in greater measure.  If you have not thought about how you feel towards yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally, or spiritually, begin the journey that changes everything.  Begin the journey of unconditional love.  How do we begin this journey when we were brought up in a dysfunctional family?  99% of us were from a dysfunctional family who did not pass a functional parenting program on to us.

To begin with you have to go back to birth and find out what your mother felt about you as a child.   Did she want children and specifically did she want you as a child.  The facts are really disappointing when you look at what I have discovered in the last thirty years.   More than 95% of the children were rejected after birth due to a dysfunctional parenting program.  The conflict starts when the baby begins to ask for recognition and acceptance from mother.  She does not know how to show this quality so the baby begins to act out to get the love, affection, recognition and acceptance.

Here is where the breakdown comes in.  If you do not have the qualities to give you can not provide them no matter how intent you are in trying to do so.  Children are very intuitive so they can sense how you feel about yourself.  If the parent does not have a functional love program then the child will act as if you are withholding love from them.  Unfortunately most parents operate from a control and authority position rather than from unconditional love program so they demand compliance with their behavior.  The child assumes since they know what unconditional love is they assume mother know also.  So the child questions why they can not get love, recognition and acceptance from mother.   Their only feeling is that mother is not willing to give them love so they feel she is denying love, recognition and acceptance.

This is what causes the terrible twos as the child is getting angry and upset so they act out trying to get love, acceptance and recognition.  Many parents will say they have been trying to provide affection and love.   Take note of this:  It is not what you do; it is how the child’s perception of what you do that causes the conflict.    You can do all the right actions, if the child does not feel they are receiving it you are getting through to them.

One of the most demonstrative afflictions which are caused by lack of love in childhood is Fibromyalgia yet most people who suffer from this dysfunction will not face the cause nor are they willing to even look at the cause.  All you have to do is look at the social networking sites where these people write about their pain and suffering.. Lack of love is the root cause and core issue, yet do these people know it or even want to know it?  From my experience posting on these networks the answer is no.  Some their responses have been “who is this Snake oil doctor on our site or do you really believe your garbage”   It is amazing to me people want to suffer.

Many people have suggested, taught and demonstrated what they think will change this basic dysfunctional pattern in our society.  Has it worked?  All you have to do is look at the situations we are facing in our culture today.  In my estimation they are not working on the scale we need to change the direction of society today.  What we need is a massive ReParenting Movement so people can grow up again and reclaim their personal power.  Love is missing from most people lives so they operate from autopilot not knowing they are passing down from generation to generation this dysfunctional parenting program.

Forgiveness is a wonderful way to release the past but we have been able to do this without limitations.  Unconditional love means unconditional freedom. Love and freedom are two of those words that are interchangeable. Freedom of choice is unconditional love, unconditional freedom. Choice is another of those words that are interchangeable with Love and freedom. For the most part humanity understands little of what the word unconditional means. Unconditional means… “NO CONDITIONS.”  This lack of understanding is what has divided man from man and religion from religion throughout his sojourn in the physical reality.

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